Sleep didn't help

Well the sleep didn't fix my back and with each step I took with babycakes it ached and the pain moved down my leg..not pleasant!

I decided after learning that baby couldn't go anywhere until after the courtcase was finalized which would be March next year at the earliest that I had to ask for him to move onto a carer who could see him through to the end of the case...sooner rather than later as he was becoming very attached and knowing and by the time he left he would be nearing one, I just couldn't pass him over, it would not only break my heart but my children's, I can't bare to see their little faces looking over the social workers shoulder back at me as they walk up the drive.

When I got the call for babycakes I agreed to care for him only for a few months, possibly up until Christmas ONLY IF they knew that the final placement was definitely going to happen then.

In conversations with the social worker (who was very new to the job) I felt that this case very well could be sped up as the Grandma who lived in QLD had his other three siblings and I thought if she was good enough to look after them then it'd be automatic that babycakes go to her where he is with family BUT not to be, Doc's had to check her out..What the ...?

My friend fostered a baby which sounded like the same scenario and eighteen months later he was still with her and no end in sight.

I rang the social worker and explained my grief and we decide that they should find a carer that was able to keep on keeping on and also someone closer to where he was being ferried to 3-4 days a week for access...I told them there was no hurry and I would keep him until they found the right carer who was big and strong and ably bodied to carry our Buddha baby.

Two days later the social worker rang to say they had a lovely carer who was happy to take him ongoing and was available in a few days time...I felt dreadfully guilty about letting him go, he's such a happy beautiful baby and I hate to see babies moved around unnecessarily.

the night befor ehe went I sat to write an email to the social worker to say we would keep him, but then I thought about the needs of my family and myself, I needed to see about my leg ache and to sort out some issues with my dear old dad and his failing health and ongoing mini strokes.

Babycakes went off for an access visit and then was being delivered straight to the new carer afterwards...I hope she is lovely!

After baby left I headed over to my Dad first and sorted him, well sort of, he sadly has had enough of life and is looking forward to moving on...not what I needed to hear at this point but I gather he is old and hasn't much in his life these days so I gave him permissiont to go...poor old man!

I decided not to go to a physio, I went for a therapeutic massage which greatly helped my back and was relaxing.

I went home and there was a message from the foster mum..I rang her back and was relieved after I spoke to her as she is just gorgeous and she lives very close to where access visits take place and babycakes won't be out of the house 5 hours a day...all good!

Ouch my back!

I sat babycakes ont he lounge beside me and watched television, he was really enjoying pretending to be a big boy and being upright...seeing the world at a different angle.

I crossed my arms and looked out of the sides of my eyes and exclaimed "whatcha doin baby?" and he let out the biggest giggle, what a delight of a child!

He just brings so much joy, his big beautiful smiling eyes and chubby cheeks and buddha belly, the makings of a beautiful bouncing baby boy.

I moved baby onto the playgym on the floor so I could go shower and get dressed but before I left him I twisted around and lifted him up a fraction to move him out from under the toys and OUCH, my back went ...one of those twist injuries...he is such a big baby, I should have known better but its done now and I need a physio.

When I can fit in a physio appointment at the only physiotherapist that I would ever go to after my last experience where the physio ruptured two discs and I required a major spinal fusion...I aint going there again so I will travel all the way out to Beecroft but its going to be a nuisance, babycakes has access 3 days out of 5 and I can't take him out after he returns as he is a real ratbag, we have Melinda's medical appoinments and my aging Dad's visits to fit in...not sure when I will get around to seeing Steve and fixing my lower back.

Maybe after a good nights sleep it will repair itself.

Morning access and more settled

We have started access visits mid morning, Mum & Dad must have been able to reorganise their day and their daily dose of methadone...early access is agreeing with babycakes and his few hours of squealing is now for no more then twenty minutes or so.

Because he sleeps for nearly 12 hours at night he is more awake and happier to be kept awake for that little bit longer earlier in the day and he has a longer sleep now in the afternoon.

I have started giving him a variety of solids now he is 4 months old, only a few teaspoons twice a day, I started off with pureed pears which he loves and I think if I let him he would demolish the whole jar but he isn't ready just yet for that much food so a bit at a time and I will build up over the ne3xt few months to a jar of pears, lunchtime I give him pureed veg's and the first meal Ithink more went on his bib than in his mouth...amazing how he knew after one teaspoon how to eat and swallow...babies are really intelligent, far more intelligent than we give them credit for.

One time I had a newborn baby which I noted when I was feeding her a bottle that her tongue was attached quite close to her gums so I asked my Doctor about it and she said it was a 'tongue tie' and it was Ok as long as she could poke her tongue out, she was only about 3 weeks old at the time so I started saying repeatedly to her "poke your tongue out" at the same time poking my tongue out...blow me down, if she didn't start copying me and by the time she was 6 weeks old she was poking her tongue out by comand...I couldn't beleive my eyes so I videod her and showed the video to my friends who were in disbelief.

Mum's agreed to Morning access visits

Wonderful news, babycakes' Mum has agreed to morning visits to make my life easier...I explained in the contact book that its actually for baby's sake not mine, actually fternoon visits suit me time wise better but its not whats best for me, my concern is whats best for baby.

Babycakes always comes home with half a bottle of formula left over and when I try to open the lid to dispose of the milk I can hardly twist it undone and I am one strong gal...on a few occasions I wrote to explain that the lid on the bottle should only just be closed to firm not tight as it creates a vacuum and baby can't suck the milk.

I have been getting a little frustrated as she doesn't seem to be listening and not only does baby come home tired and crabby but he is also hungry and so I again wrote a message to Mum, I worried it sounded a bit curt but she has to get it through her head so that baby is nourished and hydrated whilst out.

Baby's mum sounds sweet in her correspondance, she wants to provide for him by purchasing his clothes and nappies and whatever else I need for him, she always expresses how thankful she is to me for caring for him and she loves him to bits, I can tell but I know the drugs are too strong an influence in her life and there is no way she is giving them up... so what will become of babycakes?

Access and unsettledness

Poor babycakes now has to travel for an extra two hours a day when he has access with his parents...DOC's are considering adding an extra day so his Dad can see him...thats 4 out of 5 days he will be out for 4 plus hours...all too much for a young baby.

On access visits I request that Mum puts him down for a sleep but she objects and I fully understand why but he needs sleep, he needs to be kept in a routine and not be allowed to become a ratbag from being over stimulated and over tired....they get the fun times and I get the screaming.

When we were moving I asked DOC's if they could make his access in the mornings as he sleeps all night and he tends to catnap for 40-60mins a few times before lunch and then he has a long sleep in the afternoon...they got back to me with afternoons fit in better with his Mum as she has to get her methadone...hmmmm!

Not happy with this I emailed to explain the situation and ended it with "this should be about what is best for baby, not for the convenience of Mum" I would imagine that the cae worker wouldn't be too impressed with me but I am advocating whats best for babycakes AND me...I am the one that has to deal with a very crabby and unsettled baby.

the social worker got back to me...her manager agreed and they will now look at morning access visits now for babycakes...they are hoping that Mum agrees and that the baby couriers can work in with that timing...I sure hope they can.

Finally back on line

All but 20 of the 180 boxes are unpacked and put away, the new house seems like its been ours forever...

Babycakes didn't cope very well with the move especially with having to listen to days and days of the packing tape being torn off the boxes...with each and every box opened he squealed.

In hindsight I should have asked the department for a weeks respite and not have put babycakes through the torture of that sound and disruption to his routine.

I had forgotten about drug affected babies being extra sensitive to any noise let alone this ear piercing noise.

After a week he settled right in, he woke a tad early because the house is so light and bright and no window coverings on the living areas which is where he had to camp until I cleared a room for him.

The planned nursery is a tad darker but it was filled with all the 'extras' that Ced couldn't think of where to put when packing up and so were relegated to 'BDR 4'.

We have now decided that bedroom 5 can be a wardrobe slash dressing room come nursery, the wardrobe makers are busy at work building and they will be ready to install the first week of November and then the final 20 boxes of clothing and baby clothes can be put away and my crib will have a place of its own.

Women's Weekly

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Packing, feeding, packing, feeding!

Geez I hope I can find babycakes in amongst the packed boxes ..I might have to wait until he starts crying...tomorrow I think I will tie a string to hs foot, I think that will make finding him a little easier.

We have had a good day, all bathed and ready to go for an access vivit with dad this time...pick up time was 1pm, I stayed upstairs just to make sure I heard the door bell so next thing its 2pm and still no one...I called his caseworker and she got frazzled and said "what day is it?", "its Wednesday" I said..they don't pick him up on wednesday..."hmmm" its access today with Dad, is it not?" ..."oh, I FORGOT to organise it" ..luckily I hadn't put anything off to hang around for them, lucky I was packing up for the move to Whale Beach next week.

So next week we will try again for an acess visit with Dad, Mum has 3 days a week and one of thse days will extended to make time for Dad's visit...I am really looking forward to that day..out from 10am -6pm and no sleep...hmmmm!

I have decided that in future I will send off a stroller with him on visits so that there is no excuse not to put babycakes to sleep and hopefully I will have a rested baby on his return, not an over stimulated squealing sadsack!

Breeanna's nightmare

We left babycakes with our 19yr old daughter Breeanna for the day whilst we attended the annual Sassy Awards & Authors Seminar...baby had been a dream for the last week and settled in his routine.

Babycakes slept in until 7am so I fed him before we left.

Usually I keep him up for one hour and 20 minutes playtime before putting him back down to sleep so he was nearly ready but I left Bree to put him down and evidently as soon as we left he started screaming blue murder, my other daughters description "he screamed like he was being stabbed" and he screamed until 4pm which nearly sent Bree crazy...poor kid! Bree that is.

He has had these squeals for no apparent reason on a few occasions and nothing settles him, I thought that his bottom might be raw but evidently not...I think he realised that I was missing and he has become attached and is going through that period where they become strange ...oddl that it be with Breee as she sees him and cuddles him every day.

We have a few function son this week and my gorgeous neighbour Vicki who is a foster carer with DOC's is going to look after him...ooh, I hope he doesn't do that for her...

His little face lights up when he sees me and he is such a happy and contented baby...who knows what caused his squealing fit.

I somehow don't think Bree will volunteer to take care of him again, it all too much for a 19 yr old.

No Cold, No Nappy Rash and NO Thrush

Finally babycakes is free of all his ailments... hallelujah !

He has had a nice few days not having to suffer with a sore bottom and thrush.

Baby's Mum wrote me a nice letter today thanking me for looking after her son and for the good care I am taking and thanking me for allowing her to be part of his life and she expressed her wish to contribute to his needs whatever they should be, clothing, nappies or toys...so sweet!

I wrote back to her to say I would kiss & cuddle him once more each day for her and that if she supplied me with a photo I would show him each day and tell him who she is. I felt so sad for her, evidently she is very caring and for once the birthmum isn't critiscising me for the way I look after her baby. This is normal behaviour because they aren't capable of the caring they can't bear the fact that a foster carer can so they find something to pick on, be it that the baby has a cut on it, the bootees are tied too tight, its always something unreasonable or stupid. Even more stupid is that when the birthmum mentions the silly critiscism, the social worker agrees and comes back and says "the baby's Mother made mention..." instead they should say "no, I don't agree" and nip it in the bud.

I had an incident one time where a baby I was caring for went off to a visit with its badly drug affected Mother and she noted that the baby had a cut on her arm...on inspection it was a red dot smaller than a freckle...I couldn't believe that the social worker even mentioned but it was documented on my file...I had quite a lot to say about that and I don't think Doc's were happy.

This is the same baby came to my home with a toy that had wire protruding from it...which I had handed back to the worker explaining that it was not safe and I was counselled on the fact that I was sending back a toy that the parents had given the child. It was actually a giveaway from a pharmaceutical company. I ended up saying to DOC's tat the supposed cut on the baby's arm was most likely an injury from playing with the toy...that shut them up.

A cold and thrush

Last night and this morning babycakes had a big squeal from a very sore bottom it was so raw last night that when I put on the cortisone cream he flinched and gasped, poor bubba boy!

Back to the CUP's clinic today (drug clinic) for a weekly check and to see what could be causing a bottom rash so bad when his diet hasn't changed...now we are trying a new formula which is for babies with an allergy to milk protein and the nappy rash is being treated with another ointment which was referred to as "bringing out the big guns" lets see how that goes...he still has a cold and he also has thrush which I think is caused by not so clean dummy's and Mum's dirty fingers entering his mouth when he is on access visits even though I send off 4 sterilized dummies...suffering with all these complications and his little face still lights up and he giggles constantly...he is such a toy and such a delight to have around.

Off to start packing for the big move so I am hoping babycakes stays asleep.

Just a cold

Babycakes awoke with a yukky cold, thank goodness it wasn't croup or the dreaded whoop.

Miserable and out of sorts..thats been our day and poor baby has the sorest bottom, the nappy rash is back, this is baffling to me as he doesn't spend any length of time in wet or soiled nappies.

I will do now what I used to do for Bree when she had excema, cortisone cream (Hydrozole) sparingly applied and then pile on the cetomacrogol cream..such a big word. All that stands for is Sorbolene creme minus the glycerine component...hopefully this will do the trick.

Baby has his weekly visit to the drug clinic tomorrow, I think this will be his last and I will be trusted to go to my GP for any future visits, I don't mind going to the drug clinic as the staff are really caring and sweet but getting to the other side of the harbour is a drag & parking is a nightmare, not sure how I will manage when we move to Palm Beach...maybe Ced will buy a jet!

Today is Father's Day and I looked at the little man this morning and wondered where his Dad might be..and then I thought how sad for his Dad and for him as he probably won't ever have a relationship with him.

I think eventually he will go into long term care which means he will be placed with a family until he is 18 and sometime in the meantime will be adopted by that family which will be a lovely ending...and what's more I get to hand him over...the 'icing on the cake' for me!

Has he got croup??

Poor baby still has a hoarse cry and I am waiting for him to come down with croup or worse still whooping cough...geez, I hope not!

babycakes went off to an access visit with his Mum today and again he came home with more goodies, this time a summer romper that will fit in beautiful mint and aqua, which he looks lovely in. I have a garage full of stuff that arrived with the little man and each access day more arrived. I feel mean but I have asked that no more arrive and if Mum can take what's here back...DOC's probably won't be impressed with my request but hey, do they think I own Kennards??

I have enough junk of my own, I need no more.

Finally the rice cereal which I am adding to his formula is working and his what were runny poops are becoming more like real poop which is great, now maybe his nappy rash may go for good.

babycakes went off on an access visit and was dead tired and then after returning he was an absolute 'rat bag' who wouldn't drink his bottle and threw himself around so I put him to bed at 5pm and had to wake him at 9.30pm, I think he would have slept all night had I have let him...he is exhausted, poor baby!

He fed at 9.30 and was happy to go back to bed at 10.30pm.

Tomorrow I will get him back into his normal routine whereby I only let him stay awake for one and a half hours and he won't get overtired and he will be more settled.

Back on air.

Thank you Telstra...finally after one week of no phone or internet we are back on air.

Babycakes has had a mixed week, he has had a few off days which is quite acceptable as its expected that baby's have one unsettled period during the day and one off day per week...so he is acting very normal.

His off days have been after visits with Mum, not that Mum is causing them its just that babies don't cope with being kept up for hours at a time. access visits are 3 times a week for 2 hours but it takes up four hours with the couriering of baby there and back so we have had long periods of crying on those days until he falls asleep exhausted and my hand is falling off from patting bottoms and rocking prams...I don't make a habit of the rocking as baby needs to learn to settle himself.

I have started adding a few teaspoons of rice cereal to his bottle as I think he could be also suffering from a bit of reflux, he is very gaseous after his bottle still but not as bad as when he arrived and was on normal formula so I will see if this helps over the next few days...if not back to the drawing board.

Nappy rash has come back too, thats baffling, so my other thought is that the added cereal will solidify his poops and lass surface area of his bottom would be affected...again we will see how he goes over the next few days.

I think babycakes could also be coming down with croup as he has a horse throat, no temperature but I am keeping my eye on him, I rang Doc's today to see if by any chance Mum has a throat infection which I was told was possible, that will be a problem if I have to spend any time in hospital or worse still contract it as I have Melinda to care about who cannot come into contact with any sickness whilst she is undergoing chemotherapy.

we have had lots of photo sessions during the week, he was shy with a camera at first but now I think he poses...soooo cue, Ced thinks he looks like Harry Secombe still and I have to agree but he is far more cuter>

Buddha Baby's day out to the city

What a fun day!

Our first day out for lunch and shopping...I think babycakes eyes open and close depending on whether the wheels are turning on the pram...I walk, his eyes close, I stop walking his eyes open wide like plates so I find myself rocking and moving the pram whilst sitting. I found it fun holding a hot coffee and trying to rock the pram and it became a joke trying to eat a sandwich and rock, lettuce and carrot everywhere.

He loved the ferry, the drone and motion kept his eyes closed there and back.

His access visits are being organised for 2 hours 3 days a week, that will be interesting, Babies usually squeal until 10pm after a day out for access, birth mums like to play with baby, change their clothes, play pass the parcel and wear the poor little things out and by the time they arrive back home they are sooo overstimulated they can't settle so its usually a night of rocking and cuddling, so we will see.

I am told this baby could be with us for 18 months, I dread the thought, its so hard to hand over a baby of 5 months let along a toddler who is bonded to you and thinks you are his world.

I choose not to take on babies for that length of time soley because of that reason...I can cope but they look back at you and it breaks your heart to see as they don't understand. I could probably keep him until he is 18 but although I know he wouldn't care when he is at infants school that his Mum is old but I think its all a bit too much for him when his Mum arrives at secondary school on a zimmer frame...I couldn't do that to him so keeping him won't be an option.

I trust that DOC's will have a beautiful young family in mind for him in the near future.

Day 5 ...Day out to the Drug Clinic

Off we went to the drug clinic with babycakes for his weekly appointment, he has been off morphine for 2 weeks now and showing no signs of withdrawals.

Evidently at his last appointment he was having long periods of very unsettled times which the Dr's were concerned about and were considering putting him back on a low dose of morphine but they weren't sure whether it was that he needed more morphine, or whether it was his colic or reflux causing the unsettledness.

I fronted up today saying that I had changed his formula which DOC's (Department of Community Services) disapprove of us foster carers doing, why?, I have no idea!

I am told by a DOC's worker that it falls under nutrition...Bollix!

On quite a few occasions I have tried to explain to DOC's that the formula that a baby comes home from hospital on is the one the hospital receives for free and it secures ongoing sales for that company that makes it and it doesn't necessarily mean its the right formula for baby and you sometimes have to experiment to find the right one....it usually falls on deaf ears though.

When DOC's rang the other day to check on babycakes Ced told them I had changed his formula and it was deathly silent..he then went onto say that he has had no colic, putrid whoops or nappy rash...by all accounts it was OK then.

I know that Latino and Asian babies especially are lactose intolerant and require a lactose free formula and usually drug addicted babies also need lactose free because their little bodies don't cope with normal formula, I had done research on good old Google and it said that a drug affected baby's gut is very sensitive and LF is easier on the tummy.

Fortunately today the Dr's at the clinic agreed with me and gave me a script for S26LF and said I had done a fabulous job with him in the short time we have had him, he'd put on 600g...geez he really is a BUDDHA baby now!

He has a cold

Even though he has a cold we have still had a day full of giggles and smiles, they say a baby's smile is like a drug to its mother, I couldn't agree more!

Snuggling my lips into the creases of his little chubby neck and blowing bubbles makes him giggle so what do I do with this gorgeous baby all day, well not all day but every chance I get when he's awake...he is just so cute.

I can see he's been loved, that makes me happy.

A baby learns to smile from people smiling at them so he's had lots of smiling faces over his short life.

The change of formula has been a good move, another day without colic, nappy rash or putrid smelling nappies and he drinks a whole bottle each feed.

Babycakes's bathtime was a little better today, not as much screaming, he was sat with his little outtie belly button popping out from his buddha belly...he enjoyed being soaped up and I gave his belly a rub for luck...thats what you do isn't it...rub a buddha's belly for luck?

Maybe I should hold onto my lottery tickets tomorrow whilst I rub his tummy...this little fellow is sooo cute!

We have had a good few days, he is settling better today and again no colic, putrid nappies or nappy rash.

He had a squeal early this morning and I think its because he's still hungry so I have increased the amount in his bottle...240ml is a lot of milk for a 3 1/2 month old, I suppose he will chuck up if its too much, we'll see how he goes.

24 Hours on

Babycakes has had a good day...the change of formula seems to have worked which meant today I didn't have to deal with rancid smelling nappies, colic or nappy rash.

A great day had by all!

No need now for the cortisone cream or the colic medication

I am thinking this little Buddha has been carried around 24/7 as he isn't fussed on being put down in a bouncer or sleeping in the pram if its not in motion.

Today I met a friend for cake and coffee and on the walk down to the cafe he slept peacefully, until I stopped and ordered, by the time the food arrived he was crying, he had been a wake a bit too long after the 6.30am feed so I gather he was overtired, his eyebrows and rims were red...a sure sign of tiredness so after the coffee break I pounded the pavement for three hours to keep him asleep... geez if I keep this up there will be nothing left of me!

Maybe thats what I needed, a baby and an exercise program all wrapped into one.

Today was the start of getting him into a routine... I have him up for no more than 1 hour 15 minutes at any one time, I am wrapping him and getting him back into bed before he gets overtired, I know its only a matter of a day or so before he gets the hang of settling himself.

Nearly time for his last feed and then off to bed!

Buddha baby!

Its hard to believe that this little fellow was on morphine until a week ago. What a happy baby!

In all my years of fostering I have never come across such a settled and happy drug baby...how lucky are we? It feels like years since I've had a baby but really its only been 4 months...early this morning it took a few minutes to work out that the baby that I could hear crying was actually in my house.

He's laid by my side in his bouncer chatting away so we grabbed the camera to get some happy snaps and as soon as he saw the camera he got camera shy.

OOps he's starting to whinge, I don't want to miss the bus and have him overtired so back to bed he goes.

Getting a new baby today!

Sitting waiting, waiting!

Baby is due to arrive any minute... I am told he has fully withdrawn from his drug dependance.

That's what I am told but what is really the case I will find out over the next few hours...I expect a very unsettled baby with a jittery stiff little body with the look on his face that he's carrying the world on his shoulders... poor little mite!

I hope with lots of love and cuddles he will settle.

I am told he is very tiny, drug babies usually are.

I have gone through my blue cupboard and found a cute outfit for my new little bundle of blue.

Bottles are sterilized not much else to do now until he arrives.